Aviation in 2006

Here's wishing everyone in the aviation industry a Happy New Year. I hope we have a better year in 2006 than we've had in the last several years.

I'm pretty optimistic. There are a lot of wonderful things on the horizon for all of us.

Technology is delivering better and faster information to the cockpit, and we're finally beginning to see truly user-friendly software and hardware that delivers what we've always been promised: useful, clearly-presented, real-time weather information; comprehensive Electronic Flight Instrumentation Systems (EFIS) that don't cost as much as a four-bedroom home; engine and systems monitors that can record thousands of datapoints for post-flight scrutiny; low(er)-cost Traffic Collision Avoidance Systems and Ground Proximity Warning Systems for general aviation; more realistic simulators and training devices; graphical flight-planning software; and the list goes on.

Many new aircraft designs are appearing, new paradigms of air travel are in the works and, presumably, more aviation career opportunites will follow.

Air travel in the USA is safer than it's ever been, and the oft-assured and long-awaited collapse of the major airlines hasn't occured.

It's not all roses. We must continue to address the destructive factors that have crept in to our industry, including the rapidly-mounting cost of liability insurance that threatens entrepreneurial innovation and private ownership of aircraft; absurd TSA "security" requirements; draconican airspace grabs, such as the Washington, DC ADIZ; pop-up TFRs; repeated threats to the warbird and vintage-aricraft communities which threaten to ground our aircraft; costly and largely unnecessary Airworthiness Directives; and the current pension crisis that threatens many US companies, including airlines.

Pilots, we have little direct control over many of these issues, so we should concentrate on those we can control. Specifically, we need to make sure that we don't contribute to our problems by doing stupid stuff. For example, the repeated violations of restricted airspace by private pilots has kept General Aviation in the public limelight this year, especially among politicians and the media. Let's all make a New Year's Resolution to improve upon that unenviable track record next year.

Best wishes and happy flying. I look forward to 2006!

Harrier Ejection: Any Info?

Does anyone out there have any information about this video -- where and when it was shot, for instance?

Pulling Closed

Pulling Closed
by Buck Wyndham

Dedicated to those who know what it means.

* * * * * * * * *

Flash-Flash. Flash.
Crystalline strobes of reflected sunlight pierce the clear air
Bounced from frozen ponds and ice-covered marshland,
Unseen from any angle except ours

We rise fast, without effort, tilted as far as mathematics allows
One wing toward the bright sun
The other at farms and fields and woods,
And a man shoveling snow from his driveway

Higher in seconds than any other conveyance except dreams
Could provide

We know what is coming.
Our horizon will expand to reach the edges of world
And details of river and city and roads will begin to blur
Into a great continuity of life and fractal patterns.
Attachment to detail will fade
And attraction to the whole will grow stronger.

But right now, in this place that few ever see
In this in-between place of low and fast and rising,
We enjoy the seconds of bliss
And observe with fascination the details of the
Receding quilt of life below.

Media 101 for Pilots

The Aircraft Owners and Pilots Association (AOPA) has created an online multimedia program entitled Guide to Talking to Reporters. It's seven minutes long, free, and very worthwhile. You can watch it right now on your computer.

Most people in aviation don't have a clue how to deal with a reporter who suddenly appears and wants their opinion about an aircraft incident or accident, or a story involving a local airport. Too often, people's comments are taken out of context, misunderstood, heavily edited, or poorly delivered in the first place. This program presents the basics on what to do and what not to do, for the good of the aviation community, when a reporter sticks a microphone in your face.

This program is highly recommended viewing for all General Aviation pilots and aircraft owners.

Knives and Scissors and Tweezers, Oh My!

In the last week, I've listened to the uproar surrounding the recent decision by the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) to allow passengers to carry small tools and certain sizes of scissors on board airliners. Some airline workers, Flight Attendants in particular, have expressed their dismay that passengers will now be able to carry sharp objects. I can understand their concern. The potential threat of being attacked by a terrorist or, much more likely, a simply unstable person, is certainly a bit unsettling. However, in my opinion, the TSA's decision was sensible and reasonable, and here's why:

Regardless of the presence of scissors on board, terrorists will never again be able to stage a reprise of 9/11, at least in the same way they did four years ago. By this I mean that they will not be able to disable or kill Flight Attendants, rush the cockpit and break down its flimsy door, kill the pilots, take over the airplane, and fly it into a strategic or tactical target, with the resulting loss of thousands of lives. The improvements that have been implemented since then have insured that the deadly chain I mentioned above will end with the first step. The physical security of airplanes has greatly improved, security screening is much more sophisticated and thorough, crew procedures have changed, and a lot of stuff I can't talk about has been done to ensure that no one will make it into the cockpit. Even if someone tries, today's passengers will almost certainly jump in to help prevent it.

As much as Flight Attendants hate to talk about it, here's the whole crux of the matter: The cockpit is safe. In the big picture, that is what will prevent another 9/11-style aerial attack on America. The worst that could happen if a terrorist cell brought these newly-allowed items onto an airliner is that a couple of passengers or crewmembers behind the cockpit door could die. That's a horrifying thought, of course, and I'm completely sympathetic to the plight of those who might be exposed to a situation like that. But an attack on several individuals (who might, one could argue, be exposed to the same type of attack in any public venue on earth, at any time) is not an attack that will destroy a large chunk of a major city, send the entire nation into an unprecedented economic down-spiral, result in monumental lifestyle changes for many of the country's citizens, and result in military action in several locations around the globe.

Scissors, or even knives, are not the issue. As has been pointed out in many media outlets in the past week, a trained person can kill another human being with a pair of credit cards. (No, I'm not going to re-publish the details here.) The metal forks now distributed by my airline during meals are much more of a threat than the blunt, plastic knives that were introduced after 9/11. Why don't we outlaw seatbelts on airliners? After all, they can be used to strangle someone.

People who live and work in a public venue simply cannot be assured of constant safety. That's a fact of life, and sometimes we forget it. In fact, the new scissor restriction is far more restrictive (and therefore safe) than what we all lived with just five short years ago, when you could bring all sorts of items onto airplanes. All the new guidelines do is return us to a more rational, convenient world, where we can bring along some of the little convenience items we all used to carry.

I'll say it again. Even if a bad guy managed to smuggle a foot-long machete, a loaded semiauto pistol, a chainsaw, a box-cutter, a set of handcuffs, and a tickle-feather onboard the plane, he would not make it into the all-important cockpit. When you really think about it, that's ALL... that...matters, in the big scheme of National Security.

As long as he's outside the cockpit door, a 9/11 copycat terrorist is powerless. Think about it.

A-10 Pilot Saves the Day, Has Giant Cajones

The Stars and Stripes newspaper reports that an A-10 pilot saved the lives of seven people aboard a Piper Chieftain near Hahn, Germany. The Piper apparently lost electrical power while above the clouds, and the pilots called German ATC on their battery-powered handheld radio for assistance. The controllers then vectored a nearby pair of A-10s to the Piper's location.

Major Peter Olson contact the Piper pilots and, through a series of radio calls and hand signals, got them to follow him down through the clouds to a safe landing at Hahn Airport.

The article casually mentions that the two airplanes often lost sight of each other in the clouds. Let me tell you -- I've flown formation in Germany, and I know how thick German clouds can be in November. Major Olson really did a great job by guiding the stricken plane down, and should be commended, of course. But, yikes. Formation flight in the thick goo, at final approach speed, with a non-formation trained civilian pilot? Wow. Where do we get such men?

I'm serious. I'm not entirely sure I would have done the same, back when I was "Hogdriving" over Germany. I hope the Piper pilots realize how lucky they were to have encountered such a willing and daring rescuer.

Air America

I finally had a chance, while driving for several hours through rural Wisconsin, to listen to the liberal radio talk network "Air America." I wish they'd chosen a different name, for two reasons.

First, the name "Air America" implies that it represents the thoughts of the majority of Americans. In other words, a visitor to this country might tune in, thinking, "Hey, Air America! This must be the voice of all Americans!" Let me tell you, it isn't.

Second, using the name "Air America" is an insult to the real, original Air America, the government-owned airline that flew so many important missions in Southeast Asia in the 1960s and 70s, and whose pilots and crews distinguished themselves in the service of our country.

OK, on to my point: In listened to most of two different shows. Again putting myself in the shoes of a recent immigrant to this country who has not yet made up his or her mind about what political party to join, I was struck with the overwhelming negativity about our nation that I heard from the Democrat camp. In the space of one particularly viscious half-hour, I heard one host and his guest use the following phrases and words:

"Bush lied." (At least 5 times)
"Evil Administration."
"We are losing the war."
"This situation we're in is actually worse than Vietnam."
"There were no WMDs. Period."
"Iraq is a mess." (Twice.)
"Cheney is a damned liar."
"2100 of our innocent young people have been slaughtered for no good reason."
"...Stupid Texan..."
"...Halliburton cover-up..."
"...National disgrace..."
"...Corruption in the Administration..."
"Impeachment is warranted and appropriate."

The ignorance, negativity and sheer, blind hatred was so strong that I was actually taken aback and had to turn it off for a few minutes to regain my composure. I turned it back on, and the blather resumed.

It occurred to me that the far-left liberals' big problem is that no one can maintain a rational thought process wih such blood-in-the-face irrational hatred flowing through them, so there's no way that people like this will ever see anything other than their own view. There's no way to have a back-and-forth dialog with anyone like that, so there's no point to it. In this case, it had ceased to be a talk show anymore -- it was just a Psychotic Rant show. So I turned it off.

And it'll stay off. I have no further need for Air America, not even to hear how the other half thinks. It appears that many Liberals simply don't think. They just feel. That's a big mistake in this day and age, and it hampers our nation's ability to become what it truly could be.

I'm a Conservative (or, perhaps, a budding Libertarian). Like everyone, I want the war to end, and to see all our soldiers come home soon. But to blame our President for this war and demand an immediate pullout from Iraq is as absurd as blaming him for the attacks of 9/11, or for the 1991 Gulf War, or for Watergate.

Come to think of it, the talk show host I listened to on Air America probably blames Bush for at least one or two of those, too.

Good Luck, Delta. (Looks Like You'll Need It.)

Like all airline pilots, I’ve been closely following the recent trials and tribulations of Delta Airlines.

Delta’s pilot force, like a growing list of others before them, are now discovering that their profession is being dismantled by forces far stronger than any union, or by the eighty-plus years of tradition and expectation that those before them had created and defended. Traditional compensation models for pilots evolved to reflect the fundamental understanding that pilots, like doctors, are professionals whose skills with their hands and minds can make the difference between a routine experience and tragedy. They are highly-trained, highly-motivated technicians who often make more life-and-death decisions in one eight hour workday than most people make in a year. Society used to understand this.

These days, however, the professional respect for pilots that has always been taken for granted is being attacked from all quarters, including from the very judge who has been assigned to Delta’s bankruptcy case.

Prudence Carter Beatty, the U.S. Bankruptcy Court judge in New York who’s hearing the case, added an unwarranted and ignorant attack on professional pilots with her recent courtroom comment about how much money airline pilots make.

“You know, what’s really weird,” she said, “is why anybody [agreed] to pay them as much money to begin with. I mean, they get paid an awful lot of money.”

In mid-September, Judge Beatty was quoted as calling pilot’s pay “hideously high.”

She has also been heard to say that the only good thing about pilots is that they have to retire at age 60.

Remember, this is the judge who is tasked with impartially determining if Delta pilots should have to suffer another pay cut, on top of the substantial one they’ve already taken. Delta employees can be forgiven if they think their case is already lost, even before the proceedings have fully gotten underway. This judge, without hearing much evidence, obviously has allowed whatever previous biases and stereotypes she has accumulated in her life to override the safety mechanism on her mouth.

I never thought I’d become casually conversant in U.S. bankruptcy law, but since my company’s recent and highly-visible experiences in Chapter 11, I feel like I know quite a bit about the process and the emotions involved. I know exactly what Delta pilots are now feeling. If you’re one of them, I can only offer my observations and advice.

To my fellow professional pilots: A significant portion of your happiness and fulfillment in this world may have hinged, in the past, on the existence of your airline, your career, and your way of life. It’s my contention that that was an understandable mistake. We all believed – with good reason – that our many years of building flight time, the long pursuit of FAA ratings and experience, the difficult process of actually getting a job with an airline, our endless training, our many nights away from home, our hectic and stressful schedules, the constant scrutiny and checkrides to which we are subjected, and our years of safe and faithful service to our companies and passengers, was enough to warrant a secure paycheck and a comfortable retirement. I have learned, since 9/11, that these assumptions were wrong. It took four difficult years of near-constant stress and worry about my career and my self-identity for me to realize that I must take 100% of the responsibility for my own happiness. Now, I will never have to rely on any company, institution, or employer to provide “life stability” for me.

As it turns out, “Social Security” is not secure. A “Defined Benefit” pension is not defined, and it’s not a benefit any longer. “Guaranteed Health Care” is not guaranteed. Nothing is as it once seemed. You and your loved ones are your only true support system.

This epiphany will not come easy to you. You might have to go through a major bankruptcy or corporate liquidation in order to internalize it. You must adopt the attitudes and attributes of a free-lancer if you want to be truly happy and truly free. You must find whatever it is that makes you truly, deeply happy, and make it your reason to leap out of bed in the morning. You must begin to explore the possibilities for an alternative career or an alternative course for your life.

When you were a kid, you probably felt that you could be anything in the world you wanted to be. The world was wide open. After years of settling into the “groove” of your chosen profession, it’s easy to forget your youthful idealism. Time to get it back. When you re-discover that you’re still completely capable of being any damned thing you want to be, you’ll stop worrying about what’s going to happen to your employer. There are an infinite number of ways to be employed. If you’re like me, and all you ever wanted was to fly, you may not believe that you can do anything else, but believe me, you can, and you can be happy at the same time.

If you’re one of the people at Delta, Northwest, Independence Air, ATA, Aloha Airlines, or other struggling air carrier, and you’re now standing at the edge of a dark career pit, looking down and wondering how deep it is, I want you to know from personal experience that the abyss does have a bottom, and you’ll make it out the other side eventually. Maybe your company will succeed, maybe it will fail. Just don’t make the mistake of equating your company’s struggles with your own.

In the mean time, I wish all Delta pilots good luck as they face a judge who's seemingly bent on adjusting our profession further downward.

License Plate Frames

If you're a combat veteran from any era, you ought to check out former Dave Heffernan's website, US Air Combat. He's a former USAF pilot who makes really nice license plate frames that let you tell the world who you are. Nobody will ever cut in front of you on the highway if they think you were a Delta Force sniper. Even if you were a T-37 FAIP.

Veteran's Day

It's that day when we honor those who've served our country. I'd like to especially thank some friends of mine. Brad Burroughs, Pete Jahns, Pat Olson, Lance Donnelly, Steve Phyliss and Randy Roby -- you guys gave it all, and I haven't forgotten.

I'm thankful to have known and flown with you.

All Hail Nomex

It was a beautiful day in the Phoenix, Arizona area today as I flew past at 37,000 feet. As I scanned the ground southwest of Gila Bend, a flood of memories washed over me. I remembered dozens of Air Force training missions to the bombing ranges there, and through my binoculars I could see much of the landscape I once spent so much time memorizing and studying. I could even see many of the individual targets that I used to shoot at. Trains, mock airfields, vehicle convoys and good old fashioned target circles -- all of them were clearly visible in the clean morning air.

One particular memory dominated.

My instructor and I were leaving the range one afternoon at low altitude, when blazing 220-degree air began blowing into my cockpit. The bleed air valve had failed. My Nomex flight suit, though resistant to fire, did little to block the heat on my legs and midsection. I briefly considered ejecting, then decided to head for the Gila Bend Auxiliary Base, just a few miles away. After a brief consultation with my instructor, he radioed the tower that I'd be landing there in a minute or two. The pattern was rushed and painful, and my landing sucked, but nothing ever felt as good as opening the canopy at 60 knots on the rollout and feeling the rush of "cool," 100-degree Arizona air.

A post-flight look at the cockpit revealed some interesting details. The paint on the left and right cockpit subpanels had begun to bubble. The left leg of my flight suit was scorched and slightly brown. The metal seat belt clasp was hot to the touch 15 minutes later.

My Nomex flight suit saved my skin -- literally -- and I now insist that my warbird students wear them. It's cheap insurance. When I see people climb into their jet warbirds wearing jeans (or even shorts!), no gloves, and a David Clark microphone instead of a helmet, I have to wonder about their sanity.

Guess the Job

I wrote this a long time ago and presented it to a junior-high school class during a Career-Day visit. I just dug it out of a file in my office. Some of you will appreciate it more than others.

My Job:

I wear gloves at work.

I wear a helmet at work.

I wear protective coveralls and boots at work.

I carry a heavy backpack, and I wear pants that squeeze my legs.

My office is a hot, small place with not much room for anything but a chair. I have a wonderful view, however, and I never get claustrophobia.

Right outside my office, it's very inhospitable. In fact, the weather is usually bitterly cold, and the wind blows like a hurricane.

While at work, I have to concentrate every second on what I'm doing, and also on what each of my coworkers is doing.

I have to talk to a lot of people at work, but I never get to see any of them.

My coworkers and I like to get very close to each other, but we must never touch. The consequences for such an error would be very severe.

I sometimes weigh over a thousand pounds at work.

Sometimes, I don't weigh anything at all.

People who visit my office and who aren't in my line of work often throw up when they watch me work.

My boss occasionally asks me to kill people, and I willingly comply. This is perfectly legal, and no jury will ever find me guilty of murder.

I can make the world turn upside down with just a slight movement of my hand.

I'm only allowed about five hours in my office per week, but if I could, I'd spend all my time there. Most people in my line of work carefully track each minute they spend in the office.

I make deafening noises while I'm at work, but only if you're watching me from the street. It's pretty quiet when you're actually in my office.

My boss expects me to take extreme risks, but to be safe about it.

If I do my job exceptionally well, the President of the United States might want to meet me. If I mess up my job seriously enough, the President might also want to meet me.

Can you guess my job?

Missing Man Formation, From The Inside

Yesterday I was proud and honored to be part of a Missing Man formation of four jets that flew over the graveside funeral services of a WWII pilot who recently passed away. I was Number 4.

We got the flyby done, but certainly not the way we'd planned it.

We arrived over the appointed location at exactly the right time, but there was no one there. Lead looked down and saw only neat rows of empty chairs. A radio query to our ground coordinator confirmed the worst: The person giving the eulogy had talked for thirty minutes over his alloted time, and the mourners were just about leave the church, which was several miles away. We asked the coordinator to hold everyone in the parking lot, and to not let them drive away. Using our Number 2 wingman's knowledge of the local area, we were able to find the church and fly directly over it in perfect formation, just as the last people were exiting the building. Number 3 turned on his smoke system and pulled up in a graceful arc away from the other three airplanes, the hole in the formation symbolizing the loss of one of our own.

We regrouped and came back for a final pass in diamond formation.

As we climbed out and headed for home, the solemn voice of the ground coordinator came over the radio. "Guys, that was just absolutely perfect. There are a lot of teary eyes down here."

There might have been a couple of them up in the airplanes, too. Missing Man formations always get to me, and now I know that they get to me even when I'm flying in them.

Des Moines Gets Hammered

For those who have never seen this kind of thing, this is what a good old-fashioned midwestern thunderstorm looks like from slightly above and twenty miles to the side. Notice the flat, anvil-shaped top.

This kind of storm is really spectacular at night. In addition to the usual amazing displays of lightning, thunderstorms have a few other tricks up their sleeves. Google "red sprites" and "blue jets" to learn about some other cool phenomena that pilots sometimes get to see. (I've seen a red sprite only once, and I'll never forget it...)

When I took this photo, we were flying at FL390 (39,000 feet). This particular storm wasn't particularly huge, as you can see by the fact that we're above its top. Many summer storms top 50,000 feet. We always stay well away from those...

Fall

Today was one of those inspirational fall days that make it wonderful to be alive. Here in northern Illinois, it was 68 degrees. The sky was crystal-clear, and blue like the deep end of a clear pool. Many of the trees were beginning to peak in all their yellow, orange, and red glory. The harvest has begun here, and the farmers are in the process of turning their fields of dry cornstalks into wide-open spaces. Along many country roads, this rapid horizon-expansion startles you. All summer long, the fields of tall crops have hidden whatever lies on the other side. Now, suddenly, you can see everything. It's like someone moved a mountain overnight.

For much of the day, I drove around with my trusty VX-2100 and shot falling leaves, barns, lakes, circling hawks, horses, fenceposts, farm machinery, and other nice scenes. You know, good B-roll stuff. The tree colors were so vivid, it was like driving through a fireworks display. I even saw a colorful hot air balloon float by, several miles away. Everywhere, people were pulled over to the side of the road, just drinking in the sights, and seemingly stunned by the beauty in every direction.

In the late afternoon, at a quiet place on a country road, I pulled over and just sat there myself for a time, watching nature at work. Japanese beetles hummed and some kind of fluffy seed pods floated by and occasionally got stuck on my radio antenna.

Days like this are good for my soul. Today cleaned out a lot of the mental garbage that had accumulated after weeks of paying too much attention to the world.

At sundown, I was further rewarded by the sight of a huge, golden harvest moon rising behind the treeline. Airliners inbound to O'Hare passed silently overhead, their strobe lights accentuated by the perfectly clear air. High cirrus clouds to the west turned gold, then red. I drove slowly home, wishing for just a little more.

An hour after sunset, as I was about to walk in my front door, something caught my eye overhead. A thick contrail was lit up by the full moon, the invisible airplane at it's head pointed purposefully east. I doubt the pilots realized how pretty that looked, but thanks, whoever you were.

Rescue-Studs

I just finished watching an episode of a documentary series on the Discovery Channel entitled "SOS: Coast Guard Rescue," which featured lots of POV video of the activities of a particular helicopter crew in the 9th Ward area of New Orleans in the week following Hurricane Katrina. The photo crew mounted cameras everywhere, even placing a helmet-cam on the guy who dangled from the end of the cable and hoisted people off their rooftops and out of their windows (!).

These crews endured hours and hours of dangerous flying, weird situations involving their good judgement and experience, and foul conditions. My hat is off, big time, to the guys who hung it out in Louisiana and Mississippi, and who continue to serve our country in this way. As a fixed-wing guy, I sometimes forget how perilous rotary-wing rescue missions can be, and this show re-educated me.

My suggestion for the rest of us? No Coast Guard helicopter crew should have to buy their own beer in any bar in this country.

Spud Webb’s Last High Speed Pass (or “Ernie Sebby’s Revenge”)

A friend forwarded an e-mail to me that chronicled the grounding of Navy Lieutenant Richard “Spud” Webb. Lt. Webb was the pilot of an F/A-18E Super Hornet that made a low approach and a subsequent afterburner traffic pattern at the San Luis Obispo (SBP), California airport in January 2005. A local resident, Ernie Sebby, offended by the “sound of freedom” thundering overhead, wrote an indignant and caustic letter to the SPB tower demanding they launch an investigation into the horrible four minutes of engine noise he was forced to suffer through.

The tower personnel called the Navy, one thing led to another, and Spud was grounded. Permanently.

Lt. Webb wrote to Ernie Sebby recently. His letter is heartbreaking, not only because it contains the grim details about the outcome of the incident, but because when you read it, you can feel Spud’s professionalism and restraint holding fast, but being sorely tested. I know that Spud wanted to tell this man to do horrible things with his own anatomy, but he didn’t. For that, I admire him.

Make no mistake -- I hate whiny homeowners who move near airports and complain about the noise, but I’m not trying to demonize anyone who hates jet noise. Instead, I want to turn this story into a learning experience for military pilots and warbird pilots alike. First, let me just get this off my chest: “There but for the grace Of God go I.” I’m definitely not perfect, and I’ve screwed up before. I cannot tell you the number of times I could have been in Spud’s flight boots. But all it takes is bad timing and a certain set of circumstances to set off a similar chain of hellfire on any given day, at any airport in the country. So, here’s what all pilots, military and civilian, must take from this sad story:

If you shine your ass often enough and hard enough, you will, repeat WILL, pay the cost someday. It may be that you get in trouble with the Feds and lose your license. It may end up with you standing in front of your C.O.’s desk in your Dress Uniform, answering a lot of pointed questions, or losing your wings like Spud. Or it may be that you get scraped out of a smoking hole somewhere.

OK, maybe these scenarios are overly dramatic.

The real price you pay may be that everyone around your airport starts to hate airplanes. Frankly, that outcome bothers me more than any of the others, because all pilots pay for that one. No one except you really cares if you lose your wings or your license. However, if the general public starts to think of airplanes as bad and evil, and if they start to think that many pilots lack good judgment, then you have done as much damage to aviation as did the 9/11 terrorists, and you probably deserve to lose your wings.

Is Spud a bad guy for blasting over Ernie Sebby’s house at Mach-snot and startling him? Nope. He’s a teacher for us all. Let his misfortune be the reason you don’t do a similar thing the next time you’re tempted. Aviation is full of unlucky people who serve as cautionary tales for the rest of us.

Tag, Spud. You’re it.

Funny Flight Attendants, Part 2

(This is another in a series of actual conversations I've had with Flight Attendants.)

A Flight Attendant (F/A) is in the cockpit. Opposite-direction traffic is approaching, 1000 feet below us.

Me: If you look out there in front of us, you'll get to see an airplane zip by us in just a minute.
F/A: What?!
Me (pointing): Yeah, he's right there, coming at us.
F/A (not looking): You can not see airplanes up here... can you?
Me: Sure! We see 'em all the time. Look right there.
F/A (spotting the 757 now): Oh my God! Oh my God! I didn't know you could see airplanes. I don't like that!
Me: Why?
F/A: I don't know. That seems dangerous.

Needless to say, some remedial training for this poor, lost soul followed. More funny stories coming soon.

"Why You Should Fly the Big Airlines" article

Joel Widzer, a travel columnist at MSNBC, recently wrote this article that explains, as well as I ever could, the reasons you should fly the major airlines. Finally, someone in the media gets it! Hallejujah!

The Best and Worst Airports (Buck's List)

I'm sometimes asked what the best and worst airports are, from an airline pilots' perspective. Here are my picks.

Non-pilots should understand the following:

1. None of the "worst" airports is so dangerous that it poses an inordinate risk to passengers. My selection of these airports comes from an operational perspective based on 26 years of flying airplanes. My gripes arise from either the "hassle-factor" of operating from them, their infrastructure, or other relatively small factors.
2. An airport is only as safe as the level of professionalism of the pilots who use it.
3. These are airports that I operate from. There are other airports that might make either list if I knew anything about them. Other pilots will have different opinions.
4. Several airports appear in both lists. Go figure.

With those caveats in mind, here are my favorite and least-favorite airports in North America and Europe, and the reasons for their selection:

BEST:

O'Hare International, Chicago, IL (ORD): Best Air Traffic Controllers in the world, bar none. O'Hare controllers are the industry pinnacle of versatility, clarity, error-free precedural skills, and good-naturedness.

Denver Intenational, CO (DEN): Tons of maneuvering room on the ground. Laid out in perhaps the most ideal configuration possible. Facilities are clean and new. Long runways.

Portland, OR (PDX): Beautiful, spectacular approaches.

San Francisco International, CA (SFO): Ditto.

Los Angeles, CA (LAX): Long, straight-in approaches from the east, coupled with their common good visibility, makes for easy arrivals.

San Diego,CA (SAN): Perhaps the most interestingly-situated airport in the USA. At what other airport do you see mountainous desert, lush vegitation, vast suburbia, a Naval yard with aircraft carriers and destroyers, a dense downtown full of tall buildings, marinas full of sailboats, an ocean, a picturesque bay, and a parking garage close underneath your wheels, all in the space of one minute, while on final? Fun to fly into.

Oshkosh, WI (OSH): OK, I've never flown an airliner into OSH, but I've done it dozens of times in GenAv planes, and it's never more fun than during EAA AirVenture. If you haven't done it, you're missing out on a truly unique piloting experience.

WORST:

John Wayne/Orange County Airport, Santa Ana, CA (SNA): High-performance, low-tolerance special noise abatement procedures. Tight ramp area. Non-standard operations. Frequent "slam-dunk" approaches that would be impossible if not for pilot judgement. Short runway, shared with General Aviation.

LaGuardia, NY (LGA): Small, congested airport with crossing runways that often end abruptly at water. Stressed controllers. Constant delays.

Toronto Pearson International, Toronto, Ontario, Canada (YYZ): Many iffy controllers. Ungrooved runways with deep ditches at end (especially on southwest side). Overly-complicated communication and taxi procedures.

Charles deGaulle International, Paris, France (CDG): Third-world taxiway and runway markings. Complex taxi routings with little or no guidance from ATC.

San Francisco International, CA (SFO): Limited runway configurations (especially with strong southerly winds) lead to low arrival capacity. Non-standard runway spacing also contributes to delays during IFR. Close terrain proximity off departure end of runway 28L/R. No glideslope (visual or electronic) on runways 1L/R due to terrain. Converging FMS visual approaches to 28L/R cause potential traffic conflicts or TAs/RAs. Crossing runways.

Philadelphia, PA (PHL): Long delays common due to traffic volume and runway spacing. Low visibility due to haze much of the year. Our company's operations are massively understaffed and screwed up.

Denver, CO (DEN): Weird, unpredictable weather. Near-constant turbulence on departure and arrival. A few iffy ground controllers.

Boston Logan, MA (BOS): Multiple crossing runways with different controllers assigned to each. Confusing taxiways, markings, and routings.

Reagan National, Washington, DC (DCA): Short, crossing runways. Critical arrival and departure procedures, especially to the north. Very close to Prohibited areas. Inconvenient and ridiculous security procedures for pilots and crew.

Washington Dulles, DC (IAD): High traffic volume. Many iffy controllers. ACARS-heavy, heads-down ramp taxi procedure.

John F. Kennedy International, NY (JFK): Traffic congestion. Occasionally-incomprehensible controllers.

Newark, NJ (EWR): Traffic delays of epic proportions during bad weather. Runway 22L hates me, and won't let me make smooth landings.

Once again, these observations are just my opinion. You're free to comment on your favorites and least favorites.

My Friend Flip

Ten years ago today, I lost a good friend. On October 7, 1995, Phillip "Flip" Smith crashed his Pitts S-2S during an airshow performance at Waukegan, Illinois. It was his first paid airshow. He was 28.

I can't believe its been ten years. It feels like yesterday that we posed for photos next to the Embry-Riddle alumni tent at Oshkosh '95. At the time, Flip was my only "Airline Pilot friend," and I envied his freewheeling lifestyle -- the kind of lifestyle that allowed him take two weeks off from his job flying 727s for the airlines, fly to Oshkosh in a Super Cub with his girlfriend, and camp under the wing. He also owned several other airplanes, had lots of friends, and seemed to have the world by the tail.

Two months later he was gone.

Aviation is the most fun, rewarding career field I can imagine, but it can also be cruel and capricious. My list of "Friends Gone West" began in college, and I'm sad to realize that the list has grown by one or two names every year. Not many non-aviation friends of mine can say that they've lost over 30 friends in that time, but that's how this business is...

It's not fair. Friends like Flip are supposed to stick around a for a long time. Damn.

Miss you, buddy.

Another Casualty

Yet another airline has disappeared, going the way of Eastern, TWA, PanAm, Braniff, PSA and all the other once-successful companies that are now just boxes of memorabilia on eBay. A friend of mine said he enjoyed his TMA flight from Rockford, IL to Las Vegas last year. The price was fantastic ($69) but, as the major airlines are still learning, if you want to be a successful enterprise, you simply can't continue to charge less for your services than it costs you to provide them. This lesson is harder for airlines to learn than you'd think. Let's hope the majors get smart soon.

R.I.P., TMA.

The Fading of the Luster

It’s been a bad week. Bear with me while I vent.

Being an airline pilot used to be the top of the career ladder in aviation. Airline Captains were highly paid, thoroughly professional technicians whose skills and income were commensurate with their level of responsibility. Thanks to the new world in which we live, I’m not sure whether an airline career is really the pinnacle of aviation any more. There have been so many changes in my job in the past five years that I scarcely remember the way it used to be. Airline pilots, as a whole, are still very professional in the way we fly. We still care very much about our passenger’s safety and comfort. We still follow our Standard Operating Procedures. We still strive for on-time departures and smooth rides for our passengers. It’s just that now, there’s an underlying bitterness about the career. We look back on the way things used to be, and we sense our inability to ever return there. Our once-powerful unions are powerless to change anything. They’re even powerless to negotiate contracts with the company anymore, since corporate bankruptcy laws allow a bankrupt company to simply dictate the terms under which we will work, like it or lump it. Over half of the major airlines in this country are in Chapter 11 as I write this, and they are utilizing their force majeur clauses to the hilt, to the extreme detriment of employees. It’s a disgraceful situation.

There are days when I want to walk out of the cockpit at the end of a trip and never come back. Other days, when I’m zipping along at 550 knots groundspeed in the bright sunshine and rarified air of FL430, and admiring the magnificent view of a fully-developed thunderstorm as we pass by, or looking at thousands of square miles of western scenery in one glance, I want nothing but to stay up there and enjoy the sight for the rest of my career.

While that kind of experience is still special and awe-inspiring, I find myself thinking that it isn’t adequate compensation for the loss of career stability, 60% pay cut, loss of my pension, loss of all of my company stock (and inability to write off this loss on my taxes), position "bumps," sitting reserve, inability to upgrade, and utter career malaise that I’ve experienced. Not to mention the lack of sleep, circadian arrhythmia, poor nutrition, lack of exercise, and stress issues caused by 2:00 AM wakeups, all-nighters, short layovers, being surrounded by bitter coworkers, etc., etc.

The only things that rejuvenate me and make me feel alive are my personal relationships, my hobbies, side businesses, and flying General Aviation airplanes and warbirds. I want nothing less than a career – an existence – that motivates and inspires me much of the time, not just a few times a year at FL430. Is that too much to ask?

I have a joyous and lofty lifestyle goal in mind, and I mentally refer to it often. I’ll share it with you here someday. For now, I am slowly reprogramming myself to think of myself as capable of leaving this career that I worked so hard to attain. It’s a tough process. I am so ingrained into the world of flying airplanes for a living that I have trouble imagining doing anything else as my primary career. I know I could be wildly successful doing other things, but replacing the “pilot” self-image with anything else requires a lot of mental squirming. No matter what else I do, I’ll always be deeply involved in airplanes, and I’ll always fly. I just may not do it professionally. Come to think of it, that could be a very good thing.

More to come.

Profiling is Not a Dirty Word

Back on April 25, 2005, a man named Gregory Despres (see amazingly descriptive photo at left) arrived at the U.S.–Canadian border crossing in Calais, Maine, with a sword, a knife, a hatchet, brass knuckles, and a chain saw stained with what appeared to be blood. Agents fingerprinted him, confiscated his weapons, and let him into the United States. The next day, the decapitated bodies of his wife and another person were found at his home in New Brunswick.

Despres was eventually arrested in Massachusetts wearing a sweatshirt with red and brown stains. The same day he crossed the border, he was due in Canadian court for assault and for threatening to kill the son-in-law of the victim found in his house.

A spokesman for U.S. Customs and Border Protection said they could not arrest Despres on the day of his crossing because he was a naturalized U.S. citizen and was not wanted for any crimes at the time. He said agents did everything they could to check for warrants on the man, and said, “Being bizarre is not a reason to keep somebody out of this country or lock them up.”

The spokesman further conceded that it “sounds stupid” that a man carrying what appeared to be a bloody chain saw could not be kept out of the country.

Good grief. I have to think there’s room for an intelligent judgment call on the part of the officers of the U.S. Customs Service, Border Patrol, INS, and anyone else who’s letting people into and out of our country. Anyone remember that we’re at war? Anyone remember 9/11? If we can’t keep a guy carrying a bunch of weapons, one of them with blood on it, from simply walking through a border crossing into our country, how are we going to keep a sophisticated terror cell from sneaking in with far more capable weapons?

The American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) contends that profiling of airline passengers and people entering our country on the basis of race, ethnicity, or any other factor is a violation of our rights and potentially demeaning. This thought process is flawed at best, if you ask me. I don’t want to rehash the old chain e-mail about how most of the people who’ve attacked our country in the past 20 years have been radical Islamic males between age 17 and 40, but for crying out loud, it’s true. Don’t get me wrong. I absolutely abhor true discrimination, but sometimes common sense must prevail.

A few years ago (post 9/11), a Captain with whom I was flying tossed a man off our plane prior to departure. The man was acting very, very suspiciously. First, he sneaked into First Class and sat down in an empty seat. Then, he was observed to be intensely praying while looking at photos of his family he’d spread out on the tray table. Next, he asked the Flight Attendant exactly what time we'd be flying over Chicago. Several times, he leaned out into the aisle and stared intently into the cockpit. When confronted about sneaking into First Class, he refused to move and gave the Flight Attendants same very threatening looks. We elected to have him removed, and we called for the airport Security coordinator to do it. Then all hell broke loose. You see, the man was Middle-Eastern looking. We had to sternly and repeatedly assert that we were throwing him off solely because of his actions, and not his apparent ethnicity, in order to get the security person to remove the man. If the suspicious person had been a white male, I guarantee that no questions would have been asked--he’d be gone. But because the world is now so worried about offending Middle Easterners, we have to go through a very stringent set of guidelines to prevent the slightest appearance of--gasp--profiling. Several times, we were actually encouraged to reconsider our decision.

Does all this seem ludicrous to you? It does to me, too. If a guy shows up at one of our border crossings with bloody weapons, or acts like a lunatic or a potential terrorist on one of our airplanes, is there really a problem with simply detaining him for a while and doing some further research on him? I don’t think we’d be giving up any of our civil liberties to accomplish this. Call me simplistic. Call me a right-wing A-Hole. Call me whatever you want. Just know that if you board my airplane and start acting squirrely, you definitely won’t be flying with me.

Especially not if you’re carrying a bloody chain saw.

Funny Flight Attendants, Part 1

From time to time, I hear flight attendants say some truly memorable things. Here's an example. More to come.

A flight attendant (F/A) is in the cockpit while the Captain is taking a lavatory break. All is quiet. She looks out the windshield at some white clouds far below.

F/A: Wow, look at all the snow down there.
Me: Actually, those are clouds.
F/A: Clouds... down below us?
Me: Sure. We're flying way up above them.
F/A: I didn't think we did that except on really long flights.

I'll leave you to think about and ponder the implications of that conversation. All I know is it sure was funny.

John Stewart: Impending Liberal Implosion, Part 2

This will be short, and I won't spend any more time on it, I promise.

This evening, John Stewart continued his unbelievably obnoxious analysis of the Federal response to Hurricane Katrina. My longstanding belief that it is liberals who have contributed more to the ugly "coarsening" of America than any other factor was only reinforced when I saw, with only a little surprise, that his main story -- which covered the supposed incompetence of both FEMA director Michael Brown and Homeland Security Director Michael Chertoff -- was entitled "Meet the F**kers."

Stewart repeatedly referred to these two Federal government officials as F**ker #1 and F**ker #2," and the graphic below the picture showed the same "MtF" logo for nearly the entire duration of the story. Talk about mature and intelligent. If you disagree with someone, just use your nightly public access and "star-power" to call them names involving the F-word. That's a great way to get respect from me, I'll tell you.

I did have to laugh when Stewart (and Ted Koppel, who was quoted in the piece), both expressed genuine bewilderment and outrage that government officials apparently did not watch network television reports, and only learned of the growing dire situation in the Superdome until the morning of Thursday, September 1st. Media people actually believe that everyone watches them! That's hilarious! How out of touch can you get?

Baja Finale

Another great sunset, this one taken from 3,000 feet over Baja, Mexico. Thanks to Cindy for a great trip.

John Stewart: Impending Liberal Implosion

John Stewart can be a very funny guy, even though he's a screaming liberal. Unfortunately for him and most other high-profile liberals, he's joined a downward slide into the depths of insanity and irrationality. For the last several years, viewers of his "Daily Show" on Comedy Central have seen it in his face, and tonight it was more evident than ever, especially when he talked about President Bush's response to Hurricane Katrina. Stewart is no longer the good-natured satirist he once was. Tonight, he showed the true extent of his liberal lunacy.

After several primal screams at the beginning of his show, he spent his next ten minutes presenting a variety of monologues and the usual fake news stories deriding the Bush Administration. Here's the meat of his opening commentary:

"There's a lot of confusion over blame and pointing fingers, and the response to the obviously-horrible tragedy of the Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans, and whether or not the Government did enough; whether or not there were some missed communications; whether or not there was some beaurocratic bungling -- let me just say this, and the short answer is this: Uh, yes.

The long answer, of course, uh, YYYYYYYYESSSSSSSSS!!!!!!

Uh, the real question is, in the four years since 9/11, you have to ask yourself, has the government's advancements, procedures, etcetera, made us safer, given us more comfort, that they will have effective, or more effective, response to catastrophic events. And I think it's very clear that the answer is, "Oh shit, we're in trouble."

Now, for people who were saying, "Well, stop pointing fingers at the President, it's a left-wing media, [unintelligible] .. all right. [Pointing forcibly at camera:] No, shut up, NO. This is inarguably...inarguably... a failure of leadership from the top... of the Federal Government."

Stewart spent another couple of minutes talking smugly about how the President was on vacation during the storm, and expressing astonishment that he didn't rush to the flooded areas of the Gulf Coast on Monday morning. He presented a supposedly-humorous "Timeline of Bush's Journey Back to Being President," an "exposé" of how Bush practically ran from the storm instead of flying directly into its path and landing the moment the winds were sub-galeforce. He sarcastically mocked everything about the President's actions during the tumultuous week of August 28th he could find, from the food he ate in Crawford to his complementary comments about FEMA Director Michael Brown. It was pathetic. I rarely feel like picking up my TV and hurling it out the window, but this kind of crap is the very definition of clueless, moronic, liberal thought processes that pervades much of American TV programming.

OK, liberals: I'm gonna explain a few things to you. The President of the United States is not supposed to be an omnipotent, all-knowing, all-capable seer whose very presence instills calm and organization during a catastrophe. A President's calming influence comes later, not as the dust is still setlling, so to speak. He's not supposed to be the first one out the door of the Blackhawk when a Special Ops team infiltrates enemy territory; he doesn't lead the first wave of F-15s into battle; he's not expected to fight forest fires in the mountains of California, no matter how bad things are; he can't be there as a first responder if a terror attack occurs in one of our cities. And he will not fly into a recently-hurricane-wrecked city just to be there first. There are rescue people and agencies for that. In this case, it's utterly clear to me that the local leaders of New Orleans and the states of Louisiana and Mississippi were the ones in charge. It's their job to assess the situation, determine their needs and, if appropriate, ask for Federal help. This is exactly what was done. The situation there was bad after the winds died down, but no Federal help was requested. I even saw CNN reporters standing on Burbon Street on Tuesday afternoon, reporting that things were not nearly as bad as everyone had thought. Things escalated dramatically when the levee broke, and it took over 24 hours before a formal "SOS" was sent by local officials. Compounding things was the fact that, in many places, this was a natural disaster of truly monumental and unprecedented proportions. There was a physical inability to help people, even if an unlimited supply of food, water, and dry clothing had been pre-positioned just outside the city limit. There was no electricity, no cell phones, no emergency communications, no ability to travel to check out the situation, no nothing -- for the first day and a half. So what should the Federal government have done? If the people in Waveland, Mississippi aren't able to call in and notify someone that their town has been totally, completely wiped clean by a 30-foot storm surge, how is anyone supposed to do anything about it? It takes time for people to dig out, make it to someplace where they can assess the situation, realize how bad it is, and make contact. This is exactly what was happening in countless locations all across the Gulf Coast region in the first three days after the storm. If a truck full of supplies cannot physically make it through 9 feet of sludge-filled water to provide food to refugees on a bridge, whose fault is that, exactly? If the mayor of a town cannot notify FEMA because the primary power and backup power are both out, and City Hall is a pile of rubble, is President Bush at fault? Anyone care to defend that astonishing position? (It may be astonishing, but it appears to be the very opinion of many media liberals and pundits.)

Many people died in their attics because they did not leave their sub-sea level city in the face of a Category 5 hurricane. Sometimes the results of free will are tragic. Here's the thing. Sometimes Mother Nature overwhelms the ability of even the almighty U.S. Federal government to respond perfectly and save every life. The fact that liberals don't understand this -- that they are outraged when the government doesn't take care of every tiny facet of their lives (even if it's a once-in-a-thousand-years natural disaster) -- is further evidence that they just don't get it.

By "it," I mean "life."

I'll probably watch "The Daily Show" even more now. I'm morbidly fascinated to watch John Stewart implode and collapse into a black hole. He's getting close.

Perfect Sunset

I love to take pictures of the sky. My collection includes over 2,000 images I've taken, both from the ground and from the air. This one was taken in September of 2002 in Illinois. More to come.

Midway Magic

This summer, I spent quite a few weekends in downtown San Diego. One of the new attractions there is the USS Midway (CV-41) aircraft carrier, which is now on permanent display about a five-minute walk from the hotel where I stayed. I spent four amazing hours touring her one recent weekend. If you need some not-so-subtle reminders about what a mighty country we live in, take the tour yourself, and consider that this ship entered service in 1943 and was decommissioned over ten years ago. It’s an old piece of machinery, and yet I guarantee it’s still the most impressive thing you’ll see all week.

My stepbrother served aboard the Midway in the late seventies and early eighties, so I feel a certain special kinship with her, even though I was an Air Force flyboy and the closest I ever got to a nautical item during my military career was a bottle of Captain Morgan.

The crew’s private berthing spaces and work centers still retain many of the personalized touches given to them by thousands of men and women who lived and worked there. (If you take the tour, look for the Pink Floyd stickers on the lower bunk in the enlisted berth, among many other things.)

There are 15 aircraft displayed onboard, with at least six more coming soon.

Part of the drama of a ship this big is seeing it in context with an object you’re familiar with. San Diego makes this easy, because the Midway is moored right next to downtown. When you stand on the flight deck and your head is level with the tenth floor of nearby office buildings, it’s evident how utterly huge the thing is. And yet I bet it looked damned small when seen from a half-mile final at 140 knots. Can you say "floating postage stamp"? I'm not at all embarrased to say that I liked the Air Force's 8,000-foot runways, but I sure would have liked to get CQ'd during my military flying career. Guess I'll just have to settle for having a bunch of successful traps in the Hornet sim. Oh, well.

My hat's off to the guys who did it, and still do it, every day. You are studs of the highest order.

FMI:
Midway.org (Museum Site)
MidwaySailor.com

Humorous Sighting of the Day

A friend reports that, while sitting as a passenger in the coach section of an MD-80 operated by a major airline which shall remain nameless, he watched the First Officer perform a somewhat cursory and rapid preflight inspection of the airplane while eating a sausage and egg breakfast sandwich! Nice multi-tasking there.

Not so humorous was the safety briefing given by the Flight Attendant on the same flight. She stood near the exit row and, rather than giving the usual safety briefing regarding the operation of the doors, looked carefully at each nearby passenger and asked, “Are any of you from the FAA?” Hearing no response to the affirmative, she gave the following door briefing, reproduced here in its entirety: “OK, there are the doors. Blah, blah, blah…”

No, I’m not kidding. That’s what she said.

Lots of funny and/or astonishing things happen on airliners. I should start collect some of my own experiences, and those of my friends. It’d make a good book.

The Uglifying of Paradise

I live in one of the most beautiful places in the country, in my opinion. Some people call it corn country, but there’s way more to it than that. It’s rolling farmland, punctuated with large patches of woods, prairies, and fallow pastures. Everything is green and alive. Most of the summer (except during a draught, like this year), the grass is as lush and vibrant as that on any championship golf course. Family farms, with picturesque barns and silos that have stood for a hundred years, dot the landscape. Small country roads wind their way around and over the hills, down through the valleys and across bubbling streams. Cows and horses roam the pastures. The sense of openness and freedom is tangible. People who live in the city feel vaguely exposed here. They often feel like they need more buildings and structures to “hold them in” somehow. Not me. I thrive on the space, and the fact that you can see all the way to the horizon.

If I had to pick the worst possible view-spoiler imaginable, it would be a white, 400-foot tower, topped by a set of long, whirling blades that caught your eye every time you looked in its general direction. Over a dozen of these apparitions covering nearly a thousand acres would make this area immeasurably fugly for miles around.

But that’s exactly what some landowners near me are trying to do. The placidly-named Heritage Ridge Wind Farm would provide a small amount of electricity for local residents, and a small yearly revenue for the landowners. In exchange, locals would get the thrill of seeing a horizon-full of these monstrosities thrashing the air. I say "locals," but actually, a recent study showed that over 90% of the population of my county would be able to see parts of one or more of the turbines at all times.

These are not the small wind generators you occasionally see clustered along ridgelines in California and other locations. These are huge structures. The ones proposed for my area are almost as tall as a 50-story building, with an effective width of over 300 feet. And unlike a 50-story building, they're almost constantly in motion.

The American Wind Energy Association (AWEA), on their web site’s FAQ, addresses the visual impact a wind farm makes, with this:

“Visual impacts… can be minimized through careful design of a wind power plant. Using turbines of the same size and type and spacing them uniformly generally results in a wind plant that satisfies most aesthetic concerns. Computer simulation is helpful in evaluating visual impacts before construction begins. Public opinion polls show that the vast majority of people favor wind energy, and support for wind plants often increases after they are actually installed and operating.”

I’m sorry, but uniform spacing of 400-foot wind generators does not “satisfy my aesthetic concerns.” Rather, it enhances my dislike of the whole idea.

The AWEA then asks the question, “Will wind energy hurt tourism in my area?” Their own answer:

“People who would rather not live near wind plants (sometimes referred to as "NIMBYs," short for "Not In My Back Yard") often raise this concern with respect to new wind project proposals. There is no evidence that wind farms reduce tourism, and considerable evidence to the contrary. For example, in late 2002, a survey of 300 tourists in the Argyll region of Scotland, noted for its scenic beauty, found that 91% said the presence of new wind farms ‘would make no difference in whether they would return.’ Similar surveys of tourists in Vermont and Australia have produced similar results.”

Their position assumes that we here in northern Illinois want tourism, or have an infrastructure to support tourism in the first place. Loss of tourism is not our concern. Simple aesthetics and enjoyment of our surroundings is what we care about.

There are certainly some successful wind farms out there in the world. For the space they occupy, they appear to provide clean, relatively inexpensive electric power for certain communities, and they make use of a free resource. Great. I applaud the concept.

But wind farms spoil the view, and there’s absolutely no getting around that fact. That’s why most people think they should be located away from people. Far, far away, like the Kilronan Wind Farm, located on a craggy plateau in Ireland. Or the Cape Wind farm, offshore from Nantucket, Massachusetts. Or the proposed London Array, located offshore in the Thames Estuary in the UK. Notice the common theme with these projects? They’re in remote places where NIMBYs like me won’t complain about their obvious ugliness.

In this article, I've mostly emphasized the appearance of wind turbines, but physical ugliness is only one of many negative characteristics about them. Visit the sites listed at the end of this entry for more information about the number of birds they kill, what they sound like, how far they sling ice, and what they do to the mental state of local residents. You'll also learn some facts about the cost of wind power that will make you wonder if it's worth all the effort. Wind farms also have a huge negative impact on home values for miles around. Just ask the landowners and homewoners in Lincoln, Wisconsin, the site of a similar wind farm. Property values within a mile of the new turbines went down 26% after the project was completed. Even properties more than a mile away went down 18% in value the moment the turbines were operational.

The families in Caledonia, Illinois who want to spoil everyone’s enjoyment of our beautiful surroundings for their own, minor gain should give serious consideration to the war they are declaring on their neighbors by doing so. NIMBY? Me? Damn right I am, and so are a lot of my fellow residents. We don't want our country's heartland blighted by wind turbines (or anything else) that spoils our magnificent landscape.

Further Reading (Highly Recommended):

• Health, Hazard and Quality of Life Near Wind Power Installations
• Report Doubts Future of Wind Power
• Experts Show Official Wind Power Claims are Hot Air
• Wind Energy Economics in West Virginia

Hollywood Needs More Aviation Technical Advisors

While flipping though the channels a couple of nights ago, I came across a made-for-TV movie on the Lifetime Network entitled, “Rough Air: Danger on Flight 534.” I was riveted.

I was riveted because it was the biggest piece of crap I think I’ve ever seen. I’ve seen High School plays that were more realistic than this movie. I only watched for ten minutes, but two minutes was all I needed to determine that I shouldn’t watch it any more. The other eight minutes were spent laughing and repeatedly saying, “Oh my God, this totally sucks!” Movies like the classics Airplane and Airplane 2 were written to mock movies such as this, and frankly, the Airplane series got more of the details right.

Where do I start? The interactions between the crewmembers were totally, utterly and completely wrong. The a-hole Captain was devoid of any semblance of the standard command attributes, or even the general personality, that a pilot must have. There is no way that a pilot like him could ever have made it to the cockpit of an airliner.

The Flight Attendants in the movie had conversations that would never, ever happen. Their dialogue made them sound like automatons, and idiotic ones at that.

The technical details of the airplane were laughable. In the takeoff scene, the Captain asks for “E.P.R.” power. It’s supposed to be pronounced “eeper.” OK, that’s a small point, but the really funny part of the scene was when the First Officer reached up in response to the “E.P.R.” callout and pushed a button clearly labeled “Flight Deck Door.”

The radio calls were astonishing in their bogusity. It was as if the producer had hired a non-pilot scriptwriter to just imagine what a radio conversation with Air Traffic Control must sound like. (He could have asked me, for crying out loud.)

Here’s the last scene I witnessed before leaping out of my chair and running out the door to take a deep breath of fresh air and save my own life: Mere minutes before a flight, a First Officer on administrative leave is asked to fly a trip with the demanding Captain. He actually flies the trip! No recurrent training in the simulator, no Proficiency Check, no paperwork, no nothing. He just hops in the right seat and starts punching buttons. Wow! What an operation!

OK, Hollywood. Your wait is over. My services as an Aviation Technical Advisor are now available to any producer, director, or scriptwriter who needs an acceptable compromise between perfect reality and what’s feasible to do. It’s my strong belief that what gets captured on film can satisfy the budget, the shooting timeline, and the technically-pickiest of audiences. You just have to care a little. Directors and producers must not let a poor script drag a production down to the sad level of Rough Air.

The problem is, you might not know much about aviation, and therefore might not even know it’s a poor script. That’s fine. I don’t know jack about gardening, wine, or brain surgery.

Just don’t assume your script’s OK. Find someone who knows about this stuff. Get an expert to review the thing early, preferably one who can also write some quick and high-quality revisions for you, if they're needed. That way, your finshed movie will stand out as “true” in everyone’s mind, not just the lowest-common denominator out there.

I know that Rough Air was just a straight-to-video TV movie, but people everywhere are silently (and not so silently) begging moviemakers everywhere to take heed – the world does not need another movie, of any kind, that so completely ignores the technical details. Please!

VLJs Will Save the World. Maybe.

I love the idea of VLJs (Very Light Jets), and I hope they catch on. The people who will determine how successful they are will be the passengers who want to fly without the hassle of driving to the airport, checking their bags, standing in long lines, suffering the ignominy of going through the TSA’s latest version of “security screening,” waiting to board the airplane, shuffling down a long and crowded jetway, finding their seat, waiting for the plane to take off, sitting for hours in a center seat between two horizontally-challenged people, connecting to another packed flight in another city; then, at their destination city, walking a half-mile to collect their bags, finding a taxi or rental car, and driving the rest of the way to their destination.

VLJs offer the vision of direct service, virtually between any place and any other place in the country. (Cue the singing angels.) Can you imagine NO lines, NO crowds, easy and expedited security procedures, a two-minute boarding process, and your own large, comfy leather seat with your own armrests?

Today, if you live in, say, Moline, Illinois, and you have a meeting in, say, Las Cruces, New Mexico, you have a very long day of travel ahead of you. You’ll have to drive or fly to Chicago (three hours, either way you do it), then fly to El Paso, Texas (not a direct flight in most cases), then you must rent a car and drive for an hour to get where you need to be in Las Cruces. Expect the whole process to take twelve to fourteen hours, assuming that everything goes perfectly. A VLJ, on the other hand, could pick you up at the local airport in Moline and make the trip to the Las Cruces airport in three hours, tops. Pick any two U.S. towns with a public airport with 4000 feet of runway, and a VLJ can connect them, usually with a maximum of only one fuel stop. There are less than 200 large, commercial airports in the USA, and there are more than 10,000 airports that can be used by a VLJ. Any questions?

The three front-runners in the VLJ manufacturing race are the Eclipse 500, the Cessna Citation Mustang, and the Adam 700, each of which is in the flight test phase. These airplanes are poised to receive FAA certification in the next 18-24 months. Each has 4-6 comfortable passenger seats, a crew of two pilots, and a range of somewhere around 1,300 miles.

Already, several “on-demand air taxi” (ODAT?) companies have sprung up, with plans to purchase one or more of the three models. One of the first companies, Pogo, was created by American Airlines ex-CEO Robert Crandall and People Express founder Donald Burr, and is expected to begin flying the Eclipse 500 in the next two years. Another one, DayJet, may begin service as early as 2006, serving small and mid-sized markets that are underserved by the airlines.

There are several other companies with the same sorts of business plans, and at least three other VLJ designs in the construction and flight test phase, including the futuristic-looking HondaJet. These are truly exciting times in aviation. Stay tuned for more.

“Pilot in Command” a Title Not to be Taken Lightly

On May 11, 2005, one man’s weak piloting skills and irresponsibility led to an incident that probably affected every pilot in the country. Hayden Schaeffer was the pilot of a Cessna 150 that violated the Restricted Area around Washington D.C., causing mass evacuations in government buildings. Military aircraft, both helicopters and F-16s, intercepted him, and SAM batteries were within a minute of shooting him down. He’s a very lucky guy that they didn’t.

This isn’t the first time an errant private pilot has violated the DC airspace, but Schaeffer’s proximity to the Mall area, his initial lack of responsiveness to the escort aircraft, and his erratic flight path prior to being intercepted all led to the extreme response from law enforcement personnel.

He was, very simply, lost. But “lost” doesn’t cut it as an excuse when you’re navigating an airplane in and around the Washington DC area. It’s one of a few places in the world where you simply can’t ever lose your situational awareness. We as pilots should all know that by now, but apparently some people never internalized the idea. Now, General Aviation is once again under scrutiny from lawmakers, the media and the public.

It happened again on July 2nd. Another GA aircraft violated the DC airspace, and our politicians were sent running for cover. Folks, it’s a really bad idea to repeatedly make our lawmakers run for cover. They are apt to decide they’ve had enough of small airplanes, and ground us all. There’s enough innocent misunderstanding and sheer ignorance of aviation in the world already, without news reporters broadcasting sensational reports about another small plane causing problems.

Y’all be smart out there.

Jets to Oshkosh

Steve, a friend and fellow L-39 Instructor Pilot, and I flew two L-39s to Oshkosh, Wisconsin on 19 July to position them for the EAA’s AirVenture convention. It had been a long time since I flew a two-ship solo formation sortie with a similarly-trained ex-Air Force fighter guy. We had a magically great time. It was as if we’d gone back in time 10 years.

Earlier in the day, we test-flew the two airplanes on a local formation sortie. Steve led me on an interval takeoff from Rockford, Illinois, and we rejoined and headed for our west practice area, climbing up to about 12,000 feet. The planes’ systems needed to be thoroughly evaluated, so we did a full series of formation configuration changes (gear, flaps, and speedbrakes in various combinations), then cleaned up and began some formation wing work (mostly crossunders, close trail, lazy eights, and barrel rolls).

After a few minutes, Steve said, “Go extended trail,” and I answered, “Two.” He peeled away in a full-power, rolling dive and I positioned myself in a 1500-foot cone behind him. When I called “in,” he began a series of loops, rolls, and lazy eights, with me following behind. Using BFM (Basic Fighter Maneuvers) to stay in position is extremely rewarding – you don’t get to exercise these skills very much in any other kind of flying.

It was time to go home. Steve rocked his wings and I rejoined as he dove down through a large hole in the cumulus clouds. We entered initial and broke to downwind using four-second spacing. We looked damned good.

After we’d refueled, it was time to head to Oshkosh. We loaded up our cargo compartments with our canopy covers, inlet and exhaust covers, and lawn chairs. We strapped in and, with a nod of Steve’s head, we cranked the engines in perfect synch. After an utterly flawless formation takeoff, we climbed to a 13,500-foot cruising altitude for the 20-minute flight. It was cool and smooth as glass, and the late afternoon sun had that golden glow to it -- the kind of glow photographers love. (Wish I’d had someone with a camera in my back seat!)

We reported initial at KOSH, to the apparent delight of the controllers, who cleared us for multiple patterns, in whichever direction we wanted. Steve made the mistake of doing a touch and go. I did a low approach, cleaning up on short final and eating his lunch, energy-wise. His closed pattern was nice, but I had LOTS of smash at the departure end of the runway, and was able to do a monstrous closed pattern that any F-16 driver would have admired. Ahhh. There’s nothing like pulling up into a closed pattern.

The Oshkosh convention grounds looked completely ready to go -– all the buildings, signs, and display tents were in place, but there were no people and very few airplanes. A strange sight indeed, especially if you’ve ever been to Oshkosh during the convention.

We landed, parked and secured the jets, then caught a ride home in a mighty T-41 (Cessna 172) piloted by our friend Bobby. The trip took over an hour as we slogged along at 3000 feet in the evening heat. Quite a contrast to our earlier trip, but very enjoyable nonetheless.

What a day. I felt rejuvenated and alive. I need more of this kind of thing in my life.

Thinking Big

As we get to know each other, you’ll find that I’m in the process of remaking myself. I call the project “Buck 4.0.” (Buck 1.0 represents who I was until I graduated from college in the late 80's. Buck 2.0 was the time I spent as a military pilot. Buck 3.0 is the guy who's spent nearly a decade as an airline pilot. Buck 4.0 will be the entrepreneur.)

The transformation to “4.0” is in progress. It will be a careful, planned escape from what I have come to recognize as an untenable situation: A career with an employer – any traditional employer – is a huge limitation for me and severely limits what I know I can do with my life. Contemplating an escape from this lifestyle is scary, in a way, because I’ve always had guidance given to me in my work life. I always picked my general direction, but once I signed on the dotted line in the military, for example, they pretty much told me when and where I'd be going next, and what I'd do when I got there. Similarly, the airlines dictate every little detail about how my job is to be accomplished, from my specific schedule to the way I have to call out the checklists. While I certainly understand, applaud, and utterly comply with this sort of guidance when I’m flying you and your family across the country in a 120-ton airplane, I also yearn for something different. Being free of an employer is going to allow me to set my sights way, way higher than most people ever think about setting them.

I’ll be sharing some of my new goals as time goes on. I encourage you to think about your dream goals, too. I’m going to be telling you about some of the remarkable things that happen when you learn how to reprogram yourself to think big.